A Welcome Message from Our Pastor

Welcome!

Bert
Pastor Norbert Smith

Opportunities to Serve
Here at the Minimalist Church we want to make very sure that people don’t confuse busyness for discipleship so we don’t do anything. If you are doing something, it could be discipleship or it might not be. Better to just stop in order to be safe.

Church Worship Services
Worship is to be offered in a very precise manner so that God won’t be offended. Therefore we feel it is best left to professionals. Our worship services are twice yearly: Christmas and Easter. Come if you feel you must.

Sunday School
If you’re interested in teaching a Sunday school class at the church, please contact the pastor so he can talk you out of it. No one would come anyway.

Outreach
We’re hyper-Calvinists so we don’t have to do evangelism.

The Ordinances
We’re hyper-Dispensationalists so we don’t have to do baptisms.
We’re hyper-preterists so we don’t have to observe the Lord’s Table (Paul said that we would only have to do it till Christ’s return.)

Statement of Faith

• We believe that Jesus did all the work in salvation so we don’t have to do anything.
• Baptism isn’t necessary for salvation so why bother?
• The Bible is God’s inspired word to us today, we like to call it “Life’s Owner’s Manual” but who reads owner’s manuals any more? Not us, that’s for sure.
• Our only creed is Christ because none of us could be bothered to read any of the other creeds to decide if they’re any good.
• Prayer is our speaking to God. However, He already knows what’s best for us and He’s most likely very busy working all things together for our good so we feel its best not to bother Him.
• End times studies are very time consuming and confusing so we just go with whatever view is currently promoted in the latest best-selling Christian book or movie.